Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
