I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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