i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
