He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
