I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
These tits shall not be calmed
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
