The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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