That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
