the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
