Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
