one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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