So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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