Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
