walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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