It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
