omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
