Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
