I got her a Nickelback box set.
my shit smells like andre
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
