And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
