he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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