Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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