in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
