I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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