if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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