The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
