i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
