I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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