and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
