There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
