that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
