The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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