I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you had me at cake vodka
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize