I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
