i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
