Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
