I have demons in me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
