What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
