how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
