sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
