the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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