she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
