I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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