Someone shit on the floor
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
