When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
