I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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