Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
