I seem to have left my pride at pride
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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