She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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