i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
