What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize