Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
