Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
