If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
