Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
