his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
