Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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