my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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