And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
