Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
