is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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