I want to stick my p in your. b.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
