never play flip cup with pint glasses
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
