The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
