why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
