uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
