Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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