she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
