would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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