i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
