I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
