We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
