That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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