girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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