I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
